A 420 WARNING... has been issued.

by Mike Hunt

 

In memory of Hunter S. Thompson...

For Stoners the number 420 has become synonymous with "time to smoke".

Hence bumper stickers saying... “It's 4:20 do you know where your bong is?” And, April just happens to have that magical number for a date, April 20th, or 4/20.

 

The story I want to share happened on an April 20th not so long ago...

I had been partying with friends all day, we had been smoking joint after bong hit, after blunt and I even dosed a few people, at their request, more like begging. “Oh please Mike, I want some acid!” It was getting late, midnightish and everyone was heading off to slumber or sex or some other activity. The party was winding down, but I hadn't had enough. So I decided I'd head off to Capital Hill and stroll Broadway to see what type of party animals I might come across. As I was walking down the street, I noticed my ex-girlfriend Peahead (who I am still madly in Love with) across the street. She was walking with two thug-type street rats. Now, I was wearing my highly visible bright yellow cardigan sweater, that I tend to wear everywhere… Anyways, she was looking right at me and I waved, knowing full well that she could see me. She just turned away and walked off with her 2 thug boys. My heart sank and I slumped against a parking meter. I decided "Fuck this, I'm going home.”

 

I turned to head for my apartment when all the sudden an unmarked State Patrol car flipped a u-turn in the middle of Broadway and pulled up to the curb right in front of me. Two plain clothes officers jumped from the car and approached me. They said I was leaning on that parking meter ‘awfully hard' and they just wanted to make sure I was OK. At the time, I was holding an unlit joint in one hand and my address book in the other. There are two small pockets on either side of my cardigan sweater, one of which was bulging from a baggy with three quarters of an ounce of weed and the other had a half full vile of LSD. The female officer asked. “What's that in your hand?” I told her it was a cigarette. She said, “Let me see that.” Then she took it from my hand. Meanwhile, I kept my hand holding my address book clamped to my side, trying to conceal the bulging sack of bud. The female officer said, "This is marijuana." As she smelled my hand rolled cigarette. The male officer then said "OK, this is how it's gonna go down, we have a group of rookie officers back at the station just a few blocks from here. We're going to take you to the station and you're going to help us with some training.” He said these new officers were learning to spot people on drugs. I said "PLEASE, sir, I was just on my way home, I just want to get home and call it a night." He said "Well, that's not gonna happen, either you can go with us and help with this training project or you're under arrest for possession of marijuana.” "OK… I guess it's gonna happen your way." I said. So he opened the patrol car door and put me in the back seat. (No handcuffs)

They got in, and at that point the male officer handed me back my joint saying, “Here you go, hold on to that and don't leave any drugs in my car!" I thought to my self, “Leave the drugs in the car? That's a good idea! But if I leave it in the car I'll never get them back!” Then the female officer asked me about the quality of my bud, "This smells like good stuff, what kind of bud is that"? I don't know officer?" I responded. "Is that the B.C. bud? I understand the B.C. bud is the best.” She said. "I really don't know that much about it, officer," I replied. The other cop broke in explaining that after I helped them train these rookies they would drive me back to where they picked me up and I'd be free to go. "Can I just leave from the station?" I asked. The last thing I wanted was to get back into a police car. "Sure, you can, but if you want a ride we'll give you one." He said.

 

We pulled in to a very inconspicuous building, parking lot right along the freeway. The officers escorted me into the building sitting me down at a table. He asked me if I'd like a soda or a candy bar. "No thank you," I replied as I broke into an uncontrollable sweat. They walked away saying they'd be right back with the trainees. As soon as they were gone, I took off my sweater, turned it inside out, folded it, and placed it on the ground next to my chair with my address book and my hat placed on top of it. I also had another half vile of LSD in my pants pocket, but I figured that it was probably the best spot for it at the time.

 

There were three officers sitting at a table in the room with laptops in front of them, they paid no attention to me. The male officer who picked me up came back leading 5 or 6 rookies. He introduced one saying “This is officer ‘So-and-so' and he will be administering your sobriety test. He proceeded to interview me, starting with, "Do you know what day today is, Mike?" I replied, "It's April 20th.” He said, "And what day is that, Mike?" I said, "Stoners New Years!" He said, "Yeah, we thought you'd know that one, and have you taken any drugs today?" To which I responded, "I don't take drugs officer.” He said "We know you've been smoking pot, Mike.” "But, I don't take drugs officer,” I insisted. Becoming visibly frustrated he firmly said, "Stop jerking us around and just tell me what kind of drugs you've been taking!" "My attorney has advised me not to volunteer any information without her present" I said, almost starting to enjoy myself. "We know you've been smoking pot Mike, so just tell me, where were you smoking the pot, Mike?" After arguing that I don't take drugs for a few more minutes, I agreed to pretend that I had, and I told him I had been smoking marijuana.

 

Cop: "Where were you smoking the marijuana, Mike?"

Me: "Well, I'm kinda what you would call ‘420' all day, everyday."

Cop: "So, where were you smoking?"

Me: "Try and keep up Okay? I am ‘420' all day, everyday, everywhere, get it?"

Cop: "Well what other kind of drugs were you taking?"

Me: "I haven't been taking any other drugs."

Cop: "Well then why is you tongue green!?"

Me: "I don't know? What kind of drugs makes you tongue green?"

To which he gave no reply.

I finally convinced him I hadn't taken any other drugs or he got tired of arguing with me. Then he proceeded to administer the physical tests. He asked me to close my eyes and touch my nose, which I did. He asked me to walk ‘heel to toe' in a strait line, which I did. Then he ask me to close my eyes and tilt my head back, and when he said "go" I was supposed to tell him when I felt 30-seconds had passed, which I did.

At this point he seemed to become very up-set and started to demand to know how I had timed my answer. To which I said, "I don't know!?"

He was like, "HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT ANWSER?!!!" At which point the officer who brought me in reached out to the rookie saying, "Be calmer." And I was like, "YEAH DUDE, YOU'RE TOTALLY HARSHING MY BUZZ!" Then I waved my hand in front of his face (about a foot away) as if I were slapping him saying "HOW, DID, YOU, GET, THAT, ANWSER!?"

The officers sitting in front of their laptops started busting up laughing.

 

"OK, only one test left", said the officer who brought me in, "We're gonna check and see how your eyes dilate.” They told me we would have to go into another room for that because it was too bright in the room we were in. The last thing I wanted was to move away from my sweater, but the officer assured me it would be fine. So, they took me to a tiny room with the officer in charge and all six rookies. They shut off the lights and took turns shining a flashlight in my eyes to see how they reacted. It was so hot in there and I thought I was gonna pass out. I was all light headed and I couldn't stop thinking about the vile of LSD I'd left in the other room with three cops! After they had all attempted to dilate my eyes, they brought me back to the room with my sweater and said, “OK, that's it, you're free to go.” I was like, “OK... I'm gonna go now... Bye!”

 

I headed for the door, expecting to be stopped at any second. I walked out the door and the moment I was ten feet off the cop's parking lot, I pulled out that joint the cop had given back to me, sparked it up, and proceeded to walk down the street puffing that J and laughing my ass off! I mean, “How in the hell?”

 

Now keep in mind, EVERYTHING in this story is absolutely true! I mean, I may have only had a third a vial of acid in each pocket, but close enough.

 

The moral of the story is - Stay cool, keep a good attitude, and not only might you get out alive, but you just might be able to take your dope with you!